show not tell

Show not tell ...

I felt angry.

It was morning as usual my brother and sister ,hitting me breaking my stuff smashing   a piece of wood across my head ,my fist clenching, my blood pumping,

My heart beating faster and faster my face as red as blood my teeth grinding like razor blades ,my nostrils flaring

It was a sunny day.

i  felt the splash of sunshine across my face as i was lying in a meadow of daffodils.I hear the sounds of birds chirping,trees swaying.this could be the perfect day.

Cross Country (remember show not tell)

It was a blazing flarring day everyone needing sunscreen,people sweating ,it was so hot everyone waiting for their  turn to run the cross country you could see the heat wave splash across the field burning our skin as if  we were right next to the sun.as we ran it felt like that  yet we keep going it can’t be the end to a story we just started that day this story was called cross country like never seen before

Before you complete this checklist stop and think have you edited your work properly first?

Ask yourself the following questions…                                  

Is my paragraph about one key idea (usually in the first sentence) and then supported by more detail in the next sentences.	Yes
Does my paragraph have more than one sentence? (2 – 3 sentences is probably best)	Yes
Do my sentences have a variety of beginnings?	Yes
Are the sentences connected and do they build up the KEY idea (the topic)?	Yes
Have I carefully chosen words that are appropriate or right for the KEY idea and the purpose?	Yes
Do my sentences ‘appeal’ to my audience?	yes
Are some of my sentences varied? ie. in length or in detail	yes
Have I used a different types of sentences: statements (.)/ questions (?)/ exclamations (!)/ speech (“ “)	yes